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 Saraksts/Aņuki/pick from the ass.lv eng list (if you can't read it - live with it...)
 
emils
pievienojies: 30.12.2004
Komentāri: 87
pick from the ass.lv eng list (if you can't read it - live with it...)
08.09.2005 11:22
A man has a dog called Mace, which he keeps in the house all the time, because all it does is eat grass. He also has a favorite tool, his wrench, which he uses all the time. One day he looses the wrench. He looks every where for it but can't find it. The dog gets out, eats all his grass and there in the middle of the lawn is his wrench.
The man starts singing: "A grazing Mace how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me..."
__________________________________________________________

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not an atheist."
Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a Christian."
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.
"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
She paused, and smiled. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist."
emils
pievienojies: 30.12.2004
Komentāri: 87
Re: pick from the ass.lv eng list (if you can't read it - live with it...)
09.09.2005 12:36
one more...

Priest asked the children in his Sunday School class, "If I sold my house and my car, held a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
"No!" the children all answered.
Then he said, "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "No!"
"Well," the priest continued, "then how can I get to heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"
emils
pievienojies: 30.12.2004
Komentāri: 87
Re: pick from the ass.lv eng list (if you can't read it - live with it...)
04.10.2005 12:09
just can't stop:

And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say that I am?"
And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch."
And Jesus said, "What?"
emils
pievienojies: 30.12.2004
Komentāri: 87
Re: pick from the ass.lv eng list (if you can't read it - live with it...)
06.10.2005 11:25
there's a thought somewhere there, but i'm too tired to figure it out (maybe you can)...

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.
So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.
The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it..."
God sighed. "Let's be honest Teresa," He said, ". . . for just two people, it doesn't pay to cook."
Arquata
pievienojies: 19.03.2005
Komentāri: 38
c(:
20.10.2005 13:31
Doma, Emil, ir ljoti vienkaarsha:

ka debesiis ir tikai 2 sveetie, jo visi paareejie ir greecinieki=)

nezinu kaa tev, bet man tas likaas smiekliigi=)
emils
pievienojies: 30.12.2004
Komentāri: 87
Re: pick from the ass.lv eng list (if you can't read it - live with it...)
14.11.2005 11:24
nu tas aciimredzamais man aizgaaja, bet ganjau ir arii dziljaaka doma... :)
 
 Saraksts/Aņuki/pick from the ass.lv eng list (if you can't read it - live with it...)